…is to transfer one’s issues, one’s unmet needs, and one’s desperation for validation as a human being (a mother, a woman, a productive member of society)…
and to suck away the lifeblood, literally, of another woman in order to make this happen
to relegate an innocent child as a permanent second-class citizen who must be grateful for said second-class citizenship
and to convince one’s self:
I am the victim
I am the marginalized
My loss is greater than anyone else’s loss
My loss (infertility or other biological inability to conceive) entitles me to take from others
My body’s inability to produce the child I wanted gives me the right to place my needs first
and the world will laud me as a rescuer, savior, hero
I can choose to be blind
I have the option to ignore
and decades from now when innocent child becomes an adult demanding answers I cannot give
I have the privilege of claiming ignorance
love conquers all, they told me
and I choose to ignore
no one thinks about adoption but you, I say
as I enjoy the privilege of my biological family and connections to my genetic heritage
and as I visit the known graves of people connected to me by blood
The greatest violence
is when the victimizer convinces herself she is the victim.