The greatest violence

…is to transfer one’s issues, one’s unmet needs, and one’s desperation for validation as a human being (a mother, a woman, a productive member of society)…

and to suck away the lifeblood, literally, of another woman in order to make this happen

to relegate an innocent child as a permanent second-class citizen who must be grateful for said second-class citizenship

and to convince one’s self:

I am the victim

I am the marginalized

My loss is greater than anyone else’s loss

My loss (infertility or other biological inability to conceive) entitles me to take from others

My body’s inability to produce the child I wanted gives me the right to place my needs first

and the world will laud me as a rescuer, savior, hero

I can choose to be blind

I have the option to ignore

and decades from now when innocent child becomes an adult demanding answers I cannot give

I have the privilege of claiming ignorance

love conquers all, they told me

and I choose to ignore

no one thinks about adoption but you, I say

as I enjoy the privilege of my biological family and connections to my genetic heritage

and as I visit the known graves of people connected to me by blood

The greatest violence

is when the victimizer convinces herself she is the victim.